


Letters to Chloe

by CoriolisEffect



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Letters, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 11:46:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15363957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoriolisEffect/pseuds/CoriolisEffect
Summary: In the days and weeks following Chloe's death, Max writes her the letters she wished she had the courage to send during their five year separation.





	1. October 9

**Author's Note:**

> Bear with me, this is my first creative writing in a long time and first time using Ao3 so there will be mistakes, missteps and all sorts of sundry problems. Please hit me up with suggestions on how to improve.

Dear Chloe,  
  
I'm writing to you because my (mandatory, Blackwell appointed) counselor says it will let me release things I've been holding on to, but I'm not sure I'm ready to let go of them. Maybe I don't deserve to let go. Carrying this guilt with me seems like an appropriate punishment for letting go of you.  
  
Yes, I recognize the irony of this. I start writing letters to you when you can never read a single word of it, and I know what to say only after it is too late. Chloe Elizabeth Price, I love you. I couldn't say it to you by the lighthouse because if I did I couldn't have gone back into the photo. Hearing it from you I could convince myself it was a pep talk to push me into doing the right thing, but saying it back would have made it real and for once I could have said no to you.  
  
I wish I'd realized sooner what you meant to me. I felt hollow when I left Arcadia Bay and I didn't feel whole again until I climbed into that rustbucket you call a truck. I thought it was just being back with my old best friend but you were never just that, were you? I told myself over and over to wait for a boy who made me feel as special as you did, so no wonder I never met one.  
  
With hindsight, Warren was so obviously in love with me and I'm ashamed I didn't notice. It must hurt so much to love somebody who can never return it. He came to see me this morning between classes and I explained to him that I'm in love with you. He put on a brave face but I could see through the forced cheer. He said he's proud of me and he was honored to be the first person I came out to. I didn't correct him, it's easier for him to think I'm just gay than explain I don't know what I qualify as and I've already found and lost my soulmate in a week that nobody remembers.  
  
I've had other visitors too. Dana checks on me daily and so does Kate. Oh God she's so strong, I wish you had met her. After Nathan was arrested he spilled about Jefferson, and even after finding out what was done to her she's worried about me. She prays with me, but I only humor her. I can't have faith in any higher power that would let you die like that. I'm so conflicted about this. I want to believe you're in a better place, reunited with your dad and Rachel, happy and smiling and laughing.  
  
Speaking of which, there was a memorial for you two at Blackwell today. Principal Wells actually gave a touching speech about the two of you. It was the first time I've seen an expression other than stern disdain on his face. He actually cracked a sad smile when he talked about you and Rachel in the Tempest. That's another thing for the list of moments I missed, Chloe Price treading the boards in a Shakespeare production. I went to the drama classroom this afternoon and looked at some photos of the play. I wish I could have seen that look in your eyes while you were looking at me.  
  
Forever yours,  
Maxine  
  



	2. October 11

Dear Chloe,  
  
I dreamed about you again last night. That's nothing new, I used to dream about you a lot when I moved to Seattle. But in those dreams you were happy and we'd talk and I'd wake up smiling, and this morning I just wanted to die.  
  
Since the cliff you've been in my head every night, rain-soaked and scared and so beautiful it hurts to look at you. I can see your lips moving as you tell me to sacrifice you but I can't hear a word of it. The worst thing I've ever had to hear and I still want to hear it again because it was you who said it. Just like the other you, dying slowly and ready to leave the world on her own terms. It broke my heart to do that to her, but I couldn't refuse her just like I couldn't refuse you. At least I had the courage to kiss you though. She went away thinking she was just a friend to me.  
  
I wonder if we'll be on the cliff again tonight. Today was the day of the storm but the sky was clear and blue. It would have been a perfect day if you were here with me and not in a casket being lowered into the ground. I don't know how long it will take me before I can set foot in that cemetery to see you. Saying goodbye the day we buried your father was hard enough but today I can barely breathe. I kept it together through the ceremony for Joyce, but when it came time to go I couldn't leave you. I don't remember much of the afternoon, I think David carried me back to the car and drove us home.  
  
I've always admired how strong your mom is but she's so quiet now. She's barely said two words to me since it happened, and even though I know she blames Nathan Prescott I can't help but feel the silent treatment is how she's punishing me. That or inviting me to stay at your house. I couldn't refuse (when have I ever been able to say no to a Price woman?) so I'm sleeping in your room for a few days. It smells of weed and cigarettes, and I don't think anything could be more heartbreaking right now.  
  
I had to stuff that box of old photos into your lockbox and drop the key down into the storm drain in the street. When I opened it I was so tempted to jump back and change things again. The first picture I looked at was us in our pirate costumes from the day William was killed. I think if it was any other picture I wouldn't have had the vivid memory of giving the other you an overdose to remind me of the consequences and we'd probably be back at the lighthouse now watching a tornado threaten the town. Then you'd ask me to do the unthinkable. I couldn't do it again. I think facing that choice another time would kill me.  
  
Forever yours,  
Maxine


	3. October 14

Dear Chloe,  
  
I thought you were there with me for a moment when I woke up this morning. The nightmare seemed so distant when I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling of your room. The way the light looks in there is always going to remind me of the morning after our midnight trip to the Blackwell pool, the smell of chlorine and the moment I realized I'm in love with you.  
  
It seems such a petty thing now, but I only kissed you because I wanted to be bold and daring like Rachel. I was pricked with jealousy every time you spoke about her. Guilt too, because I should have been here to care for you while you were hurting. How different would things be if I hadn't been forced to leave Arcadia Bay? Would you still have dropped out of school? Would I have ever realized why my idle thought always dwelled on you, even when you were sitting next to me?  
  
I'm leaving tomorrow. My parents are coming to pick me up and we're cleaning out my dorm room. I came back to learn from the great Mark Jefferson and after the hell that he put me through there was only one reason I would ever stay in this town, but you're gone now. There is nothing left for me here.  
  
I'm trying to think of how to tell mom and dad how I feel about you. They've never been intolerant about that sort of thing, but there's a difference between seeing it in the abstract and hearing your daughter is in love with another woman. I hope they take it well. Joyce and David know. He talked to me after breakfast this morning in private and told me he recognized the way I was grieving because he'd seen it when the spouses of his fellow soldiers found out they'd died. I told him it was okay to tell to Joyce about it.   
  
I doubt she was surprised. The morning you dared me to kiss you she teased me about being jealous of Rachel, and thinking about it now I think she knew something was up. I didn't really pick up on it at the time because my mind was still up in your bedroom, thinking about curling up beside you on the bed and being honest with you about my feelings. But now I can be honest as much as I like because there is no fear of rejection, even though I would sell my soul for you to be alive to break my heart.  
  
Forever yours,  
Maxine


	4. October 20

Dear Chloe,  
  
I'm sorry it's been so long since I last wrote you. Moving back to my parents' house has been hard, not least of all because my bedroom there is full of photographs. The sight of a polaroid turns my stomach now, but the pictures with you in them just break me. It's strange to think that I was mourning you five years ago too. The corner of my desk with photos of us together before I left Arcadia Bay looked too much like a shrine for it to be anything else.  
  
I couldn't bring myself to really look at them. I don't want to be reminded of the way things used to be. If I do that I won't be able to resist going back through them. Time is too fragile. Is it selfish to wish I'd never had this power? No, I don't need an answer. Of course it is. Without it you would have died thinking I didn't care about you, never knowing what happened to Rachel, just another Arcadia Bay burnout.  
  
You're not that. You're the girl who didn't give up, the girl who caught a pair of murderers. It's in the national newspapers, and they're using one of those photo booth pictures of you and Rachel. You're the faces of the whole thing, for better or worse. There have been people calling about interviews but I can't even talk to my parents about it, let alone the press. It's probably for the best, I don't really feel like talking about it even with my therapist.  
  
I've been to see her twice in person since I got back to Seattle. I've shared some of the fucked up things we went through in the guise of nightmares I've been having since I lost you, and she keeps drawing more and more out of me. At least these letters were a good idea. I feel better for a while after I write to you, but it always passes and I'm back to feeling alone. I miss you so much.  
  
Forever yours,  
Maxine


	5. October 23

Dear Chloe,  
  
I'm so sorry. I swore I would never do it again but I used one of our photos to see you, the last afternoon we spent at the lighthouse before I moved to Seattle. I told myself I would just see you for a few minutes before your life turned to hell so I could remember you with that untainted smile. If I'd picked a different picture I think I could have obeyed my own rules but that cliff has taken on a whole different meaning to me now. It was always a special place for us but now it's something more.  
  
Seeing you there, beautiful in the fading sunlight made me forget for a moment that you're gone and I kissed you. The look in your eyes was so shocked that I rewound without even thinking about it and started over. This time I only wept. It took me four attempts to hold myself together long enough for the memory to end. I guess a few minutes of anxious Max isn't unusual enough to alter anything tangible in the timeline because I have all the same texts on my phone and my room is just how I left it.  
  
Not that it would really matter if things changed here. A world without Chloe Price isn't a world I can live in. I'm going back to Arcadia Bay for the stuff I need and then I will be with you again, consequences be damned. I can do it differently this time, make a note in my journal and then we'll be together to work things out. I love you and I'll see you soon.  
  
Forever yours,  
Maxine


	6. October 24

Dear Chloe,  
  
I'm sorry about the cheap paper, I had to pick up a pad and pen in a convenience store in a rush. I'm on a bus headed to Arcadia Bay and technically on the run from the state of Washington. I thought you might be proud of me for that. While I was in the shower this morning my mom was snooping in my room, probably worried about me. She found the letters I wrote to you and we got in a shouting match.  
  
She thinks I've lost it and can't cope with losing you, and she thought the last letter I wrote was about plans to kill myself. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it over these past couple of weeks, but if the universe gave me this power and the choice of how to use it the universe should have been prepared for me to be selfish. I'm not killing myself when I'm the only one who can save you now.  
  
You are everything to me. I spent half a decade only half alive because I wasn't with you, and that was with the knowledge that you were out there in the world living your own life. Knowing you're gone because of me is too much so fuck Arcadia Bay and fuck the rest of the world. I'm going to fix things for you even if it kills me.  
  
I thought I'd placated my mom but I heard her and dad on the phone with my therapist talking about a "psychiatric hold" so I climbed out the window and headed for the bus station. I'm not being put in a white room and drugged again. I'm going to get the butterfly photo out of evidence storage at the police station and make things right.  
  
I wish I was strong enough to say no to you by the lighthouse but this time I won't have to. We'll be long gone by the time the tornado comes and hopefully everyone else will be too. I know we will be able to figure out a solution together.  
  
Forever yours,  
Maxine


End file.
